My last post really describes the inner feelings that have been festering over the past several months. I wrote it back in February and have left it unpublished for 4 months- Mostly because I don't want to make people feel sorry for me. That was not my intent. And I didn't want to make my husband feel bad. He has lived the struggle with me, and held me through the tears. And I know that posts like that just make him feel bad. So I didn't publish it. But, it is also extremely descriptive of how I felt, and I want to have it out there. I wrote that post at a low point, and even though I am not there now- I still feel like its important to remember what I went through. So I'll post it at the same time as this one so it won't be the headline- but it will still be out there.
My family has been crammed into two bedrooms for six months. With nothing but our clothing and a few belongings that we brought from home. Forget the lack of space. Forget the construction that took over the already crowded house when the bathroom flooded. Forget that we have changed jobs. Forget that Parker went to school full time and then graduated over those months. And forget that this has to be the hottest summer I've ever experienced in my life. None of that even holds a candle to the emotional turmoil that our stupid house has brought me. The emotional stress of debt. Even though our lives have changed dramatically and in some ways it feels like we are starting over, I have never felt so caged. So trapped. So helpless. I felt like we had lost our independence. Our house was not selling, and every month we were throwing another thousand dollars at the house that we WEREN'T living in. We are living with my parents- I wanted to start paying off our debts. But instead we have been stuck in this stagnant cycle. The last six months I have never been so angry at my husband. I never imagined that I could feel so much anger towards him. I won't lie- I didn't think it was possible. But I have also never felt his love as strong as I do now. And I never doubted that we would see each other through these hard times. It's like the tough times have brought us closer than I ever thought was possible. That being said- I have been completely incapable to do anything more than the bare minimum- at anything. And sometimes even less than that.
Last week we finally got an offer on our house. We made a counter- offer and they took it. What's kinda funny is that the buyers were patients of mine in Twin Falls. We asked to move up the closing date so we won't have to pay our mortgage in August. We have written a debt snowball plan and even though we have to put some money on the table to get out of the house- it's finally going to be over! I feel like I am finally able to come up for air after suffocating for six months.
I have made a resolve to try and stay positive- and also to not the trials rob me of my memories. I will take more pictures, and I will start blogging again. I want to remember these next 2 years. We have a pretty crazy-awesome plan to get out of debt, and my parents have been so kind in offering to let us stay here as we do so. It's gonna take discipline and sacrifice, and I am ready to dothat. I know it is going to be hard, but I can't help but feel excited to actually start making progress towards Achieving our goals. This kind of work is rewarding. And motivating. And I'm getting excited about our future, instead of worried.
Here's to a fresh start.
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