Interviews and Miracles

A few weeks before Thanksgiving, I got a phone call from a representative from Patterson Dental.  She said one of her offices in Boise is going to be hiring a full-time hygienist.  I called the office, and got my resume' sent right away.  2 days later I saw the position advertised on Craigslist.  Eek.  I knew the competition just got way worse with this ad.  There are SOOOO many hygienists in Boise that are looking for work.  

I landed myself a working interview, and I felt like it went pretty well.  I liked the office.  It reminded me of Dr. Thompson's office a lot.  They said it would be a few weeks before they made a decision.  So, more waiting.  Still not used to all the waiting.  It's so hard.  Thanksgiving came and went, and I still hadn't heard.  I started having days where the anxiety was really putting me in a bad place.  Finally after being on the verge of tears for almost 2 entire days (Because, if they hadn't called me yet, they probably weren't going to call me at all.  I was convinced that they had hired somebody else and just forgotten to call and tell me to give up hope for this one) I decided to put myself out of all the misery and just call them.  It took me so much courage to make this phone call.  After putting myself into a complete cold sweat, I dialed the number and held my breath.  She told me that they hadn't hired anybody yet.  Relieved, I told her that I was still interested and waiting to hear when they had made a decision.  She promised to call me once they had.  

So that conversation carried me through another week.  The anxiety was starting to creep back in though.  Why is this taking so long?  I was checking my phone between every patient.  It doesn't make sense.  Their hygienist was already gone!  Why are they waiting so long to hire somebody?  Maybe they're waiting so long because they haven't found the right candidate yet, which would mean I am NOT it.  I prayed for this job every day.  I begged for it.  It's the only opening.  I wanted nothing more than to have my family back together.  We could face anything if we could just be together again.  

Then last week I got the call of all calls.  It was from my Dad of all people.  (My dad really doesn't call me that much.  And I don't usually call him unless I can't get ahold of Mom).  So I called him back, and he informed me that Dr. Ririe (his dentist.....also used to be MY dentist when I was a kid) had called him asking if I could send him my resume' again, because he MAY have an opening for a hygienist.  

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Dr. Ririe?!   People.  There are HUNDREDS of dentists in the Treasure Valley.  And if I could have my PICK for who to work for.  IT would be Dr. Ririe.  He used to be in my mom and dad's ward.  And Anna used to work for him as an Assistant.  Yes.  HE called ME.  He wanted MY resume'!  So I ran to the computer and e-mailed it to him.  Then I decided I should call and try to talk to him.  

I got lucky again (we all know luck had absolutely nothing to do with it) when I called, he was at lunch, and I was able to talk with HIM.  I NEVER get to talk to the Doctor!

I asked him about this "opening."  His words were,

"We are in the process of creating a full-time position for a Hygienist."  He asked me about school, and about my experience with Dr. Thompson (oh...and did you know....Dr. Thompson used to be the ISDA president about 6 years ago, and so they totally know each other).  He said he'd call me later that day after he had spoken with the other 2 dentists in the office to see if they would like to interview me.

I was elated!  And I continued to check my phone every hour.  I went home, and still hadn't heard anything.  I went to work the next day, and the anxiety was starting to set in again.  Should I pull Caleb out of school on Friday so that I can be there if they want to interview me?  Caleb has missed a LOT of Fridays since we made the decision to move to Boise.  That evening (Thursday night) I decided to pack up the kids and just go to Boise.  This was too big of a deal to risk missing a chance for an interview because I wasn't in town.  About 5 minutes into my drive, I got a call from the office manager.  She apologized for making me wait for the call.  She was having difficulty hearing from all 3 of the doctors about whether they wanted to interview me or not.  I told her I was coming to Boise anyway, and that I'd be there if they wanted to meet me.

She called again 10 minutes later and told me that she managed to schedule 1 interview with Dr. Dan Bruce (the younger doctor) for Friday.  I was so glad I had decided to leave that night, instead of waiting for Caleb to get out of school Friday afternoon.  

A couple hours later I got an e-mail from Dr. Ririe, and he wanted to meet me for lunch.  

Apparently this opening is because they are getting ready to let their hygienist go.  She wasn't a "team player".....whatever that means.  Hopefully something that I AM.  :)   But for this reason, I couldn't do a working interview, and had to meet with the Dr.'s after hours so that rumors and suspicions would not spread.

The interviews went well.  Dr. Ririe is so friendly and chatty.  He even invited Parker to come to the lunch (which he did).  My interview with Dr. Bruce was much more formal, and business-like.  I am sure I was obviously much more nervous.  But, it still went pretty well I think.  They said they would notify me in a few days.

Yesterday was the "in a few days."  I got the call at about 9:30 in the morning.  They offered me the job!  And at the salary that I asked for.  And I start on January 2nd.

The past few days have been so surreal.  And when I actually take a minute to slow down and think about what just happened over the last week, I am amazed.  Completely amazed at the tender mercies that have brought us to where we are now.  It is a complete miracle that I got this job.  There is NO other word for it.  And I KNOW that it was a direct answer to all of the hundreds of prayers I have been saying over the past 3 months.  I was suffering.  Not physically, but emotionally.  And my heart was breaking, every single day that I had to live apart from my husband.  "How can it be the Lord's will that we live apart?" I would wonder.  And the Lord, in His mercy, saw that suffering and brought this next change in our lives to bring us back together.  It was nothing short of the hand of God.  If you read 2 blog posts back, you'll remember that I had moments when I would wonder why Heavenly Father would answer my prayers.  I never doubted that he could.....but I had moments when I wondered if he would.  For me.  Just me.  But I was blessed with more than just a job yesterday.  I was given an assurance.  A realization, that He not only hears every prayer and plea from my broken heart.....but he answers them.  This job is a hug.  And a comfort.  And I can't believe I ever doubted.  Because His love reaches all of us.  To every broken heart and lonely soul.  I am so grateful for the mercy of the Savior, and for the answers to prayers that DO come when we ask in faith.  

On Our Own

Parker started his new job on October 3rd.  He spends his week-days in Boise and stays at my mom and dad's house.  And the kids and I are still in Twin Falls.  The first couple weeks of this new routine was an emotional roller-coaster.  It's interesting how different it feels, even though in some ways it's not.  With Parker's job in Jackpot, there were MANY days when he would work late and come home after the kids had gone to bed.  But for some reason, doing it all "on my own" is different.  My best friend doesn't come home at all.  I have no adult to talk to after the kids have gone to bed.  I don't have the companionship I need.  I used to have days when I thought to myself, "I can do this on my own."  (You know, those days when you feel like you're doing everything yourself anyway).....I know.....a terrible thought.  I used to think I did so much on my own, because he worked so much.  Guess what people?  I had no idea how lonely "on my own" really is.  And ever since he started working in Boise, I have realized that HE is the reason for so much of what I do.  And HE is the one who makes me happy.  Of course my children bring me so much joy, but it's incomplete without him.  And it took me several weeks to get accustomed to this new routine.  I don't think I could ever get used to this permanently (and thank heavens I don't have to).  But I was at least able to make it through a few days in a row without crying.

I reverted to "survival mode" at home.  The kids received every "cop-out" meal I could think of.  Chicken nuggets.  Grilled cheese.  Chef Boyardee raviolis and canned green beans.  Microwave burritos.  Cold cereal.  Pancakes.  Ramen. (see below)

 

Fast food.  Turns out there's a big reason that I cook.  And it's not to feed my children.  It's for my husband.  I love making something that he loves!  And when you work all day, and come home to the house with 3 children and no husband......good food gets put on the back burner.  I quit going to Relief Society activities, and hanging out with friends.  Anything that would require more work for me was put to an end.  

Survival mode also included lots of TV and sticking Garrett in the high chair with junk food so that he wouldn't terrorize the house while I try to help Caleb with his homework.  (Which, by the way, I shouldn't really be doing....apparently math has changed since I was in school).  See below.

So, apparently I'm getting schooled in 2nd grade math.  The correct answer is "C" by the way (incase you couldn't figure it out like I couldn't).  
Garrett got his first haircut.  Shanna (our babysitter's sister) cut his hair for me.  This photo was taken just before his haircut.  I confess, I think I let it go a little longer than I should have....but his curls hid the length so well, I never realized exactly how long it was until Shasta put it in a ponytail that day!

Not long after Parker left, Garrett started saying "Daddy."  He says it whenever he hears his voice, even if it's just over the speaker phone.  And he always gets very excited.  "Daddy?!  Daddy?!"  He even says it when he first wakes up in the morning when he's waiting for somebody to come and get him. 

I've had to make a very special conscious effort to be patient with my children.  And usually Caleb is the one to remind me when I'm not, because he's the first to get offended when I raise my voice.  He's also the first to raise his voice back.  I've been trying to make him understand that telling him what to do (even if it is "stop it", or "go to bed") does not mean I'm yelling at him.  But I confess, I do more yelling than I should too.  Below is a picture of Angie, testing my patience..... 

It's a dress!  Made out of Daddy's ties!  What you don't see in this picture is behind that door, are the REST of daddy's ties that have been pulled down from their "tie-hanger" and scattered all over the closet floor.  But yes, the dress is beautiful Angie.

There's never the option to leave the kids at the house while I make a quick trip to the store.  Wherever I go, THEY go.  This summer I loved getting my grocery shopping done while everybody was still asleep at 6:00 in the morning.  Not an option now.  I've actually managed to do my grocery shopping on days I've gotten off 30-60 minutes early at the end of the day.  (Which happens sometimes, but I never know WHEN it's going to happen until it does).  And I'll just go to the store before picking up the kids at the end of the day.  So far, for most trips, I've managed to avoid packing them all into the store......except this day pictured below.  Yay for miniature shopping carts!

Halloween came so quickly.  And it went just as quickly.  Since it fell on a week-night, Parker couldn't be home for trick-or-treating.  I am so grateful that his parents decided to come out to Filer that evening.  Claudia took the kids out in the neighborhood, and Paul sat on the porch with little Garrett and handed out candy.  All I did was order pizza and spend almost the entire evening on the phone with Parker.  

I know, I should have taken more pictures.  Daddy didn't even get to see them in their costumes!  This one was the only one I got, and it was actually taken a couple of days before halloween.  But, remember people, SURVIVAL MODE here!  I had so much on my mind that night, that taking pictures really was not on my priority list (even if it should have been).  

Parker's office had a costume contest.  He had very limited resources to work with (since he wasn't at home) and at the last minute came up with this nerdy costume:

You wanna know what people said about it?

"Why didn't you dress up Parker?"

Yep.  He's a nerd anyway I guess. :)

Halloween is always a time when I like to challenge my pumpkin carving skills.  And every year, I manage to get better and better.  This year my pumpkin was going to be EPIC!  The best yet!  I spent days picking out the perfect carving!  And I even made sure I could draw it before attempting to carve:

I was pretty proud of my drawing.  If I can draw this, I can definitely carve it into a pumpkin.  Guess what?  Turns out I can't.  I spent one evening and stayed up till midnight.  I finished the carving, and it was terrible.  It did NOT look like the drawing.  And I was so upset, I threw the whole thing in the trash and that was the end of it.  I guess I'll try again next year.  And by then hopefully I'll only bite off what I know I can chew.

I also made the last minute decision to dress up to work.  Any chance to not wear scrubs to work right?! I found Parker's old baseball uniform, and wore it to work.  

We had some sick kids in the beginning of November.  I missed only one day of work, and we had fevers for Angie AND Garrett.  

Survival mode has meant lots of nights that go un-accounted for.  The kids go to bed at 8:00-8:30....and sometimes I don't go to bed till midnight.  What do I do?!  I don't really know.  It seems like I just get to going with what I want to do, and all of the sudden it's late.  I should have all the time in the world without a husband to give attention to in the evenings.....but I don't feel like I do.  Perfect example, this blog.  This post has taken me 6 weeks to write.  Sometimes I read.  Sometimes I watch TV.  Sometimes I just sit and mess with my phone.  The honest truth is, I'm hardly productive.  Why clean all this up when I can do it tomorrow when everything will be exactly the same then, whether I do it or not?.  It turns out my husband is a great source of motivation for me.  I don't want to do much of anything without him here.  

The days are slow.  And I have never been this stressed in my life.  It seems kind of pathetic when I think about it.  Stressed about what?  My life is really not hard in comparison to so many other people who have it worse than me.  But it is so hard to feel this way.  Powerless to change my circumstance.  The house is for sale.  And I've given my resume to nearly 100 doctors and had no interviews.  No job postings are EVER listed, and I check at least twice a day on at least 5 websites.  So yeah.  The days get pretty long, when you want nothing more than to have your family together again, and the only thing you can do to accomplish that....is wait.  

Parker is constantly encouraging me to stay positive.  I don't know how he does it.  On our first date he told me he was one of the happiest people I would ever meet.  I definitely can see it at this point in our lives, because even though I know he's lonely too....it really does seem like nothing gets him down.  He's just constantly trying to cheer me up.  I understand that the Lord's timing is always the best.  But spending every day just waiting and waiting for something to happen.  To get a call about the house.  To get a call about a job.  And neither ever happens.  

But Parker is positive and patient, and I guess I can be too.  But it's a daily effort for me.  Sometimes an effort for every MINUTE.  But as the weeks are turning to months, I'm starting to feel more okay with not knowing what's going to happen next.

Melodies of Christmas

So Sunday night, as I was driving home back to Filer after spending the weekend in Boise with my husband, the kids noticed some Christmas lights that had been put on subdivision trees on Eagle Rd.  Caleb and Angie got so excited, and started pointing out any Christmas lights they could find.  And Caleb asked if we could listen to some Christmas music.  I decided, as long as it's GOOD Christmas music, and not something totally obnoxious that's gonna make me sick of it before Thanksgiving even gets here.  I found my "Michael Buble" Christmas songs and played a few. 

The kids fell asleep before we even got to the borders of Boise, and I was left listening to my Christmas music in silence.  As the drive went on, I started ignoring the music and became lost in thought (as I often do ever since Parker's new job came along and turned our lives into craziness and uncertainty).  But then another song came on, and I realized the Michael Buble songs were over, and I was now listening to a song that had words that hit me like a brick wall.  And I don't even know why.  "Melodies of Christmas" by David Archuleta.  Have you ever heard it?  The lyrics aren't like insanely profound or anything, but there was one line that just suddenly made me start crying (go ahead and think I'm crazy....but it doesn't take much to make me cry these days).

"Carols of old, of the greatest story ever told..."

That's it.  That one line, and all the sudden I'm bawling.  What?  As I sat there trying to figure out why the heck I was crying I started trying to compare.  IS it the greatest story ever told?  I ran through all the bedtime stories, all the awesome books I've read.  But it's true.  Nothing even comes close to the story of Jesus's birth at Christmas.  Why?  I think we all know the answer.  It's not the story itself, but the message that comes with it.  Jesus Christ, who was perfect and greater than us all.  The only begotten son of our Heavenly Father made a choice.  And his choice was for us.  He chose to leave his thrones and greatness in heaven, and come to earth as a baby.  A tiny baby.  Who needs constant care, and nourishment.  Remember in 1 Nephi 11 when Nephi is praying to know the meaning of his father's vision?  An angel appears to him and shows him what?  Do you remember?  Nephi sees the city of Nazareth and a virgin.  Then the Spirit asks him something.  "Knowest thou the condescension of God?"  Nephi continues to see this vision, and is told that the virgin is the mother of the Son of God.  "And I looked and beheld the virgin again, bearing a child in her arms."  It is after this vision that the angel asks Nephi, "Knowest thou the meaning of the tree which thy father saw?"  And after seeing the vision, and understanding its significance, Nephi finally understands and answers, "Yea, it is the love of God..."

 

The message of Christmas is the Love of God, and is "the most desirable above all things."  The GREATEST story EVER told!  Jesus Christ left his glorified kingdom in Heaven to come to earth as a baby, to grow as we do and when the time came, to atone for our sins, to give His life, and become our Savior.  As I'm thinking all of this, the bridge of the song came, and the words made me want to shout and sing along.

"Raise your voice!  Let us sing!  It's the message that these songs can bring!  Round the fire, round the tree, singing carols merrily!" 

"Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas!"

I felt peace in that moment that I have not felt in weeks.  The peace that I have been praying for each day.  The calm that steadies your heart and vanishes your fears, even though my future feels so uncertain.  Even though I've felt so lonely and worried over the past six weeks.  I realized that God will never abandon me.  These last few weeks I have spent so much time praying, but sometimes I had these doubts.  I never doubted if God could answer my prayer.  I've always known He's there, and he's all-powerful.  But I had times when I wondered if he would.  Why would God take the trouble to answer my pathetic little prayers.  My trials are so small compared to so many people.  I tell myself all the time, "Pull yourself together!  It's just moving."  I'm not suffering grief, or true pain, or loss.  My husband gets a new job....a BETTER job, and I think my life is so hard?  Yeah.  My trials are nothing.  And I know that.  So why would God answer my prayers, when I'll most likely survive anyway?.....  Because he does.  Because of the message of Christmas.  Because he loves us all.  Not just the ones who have suffered death, or addiction, or sickness, or those who I would think warrant blessings from Him the most.....but all of us.  Even little me.  Even the mother of 3 who feels like it's such a trial to pack up her things, sell her home, and move to a different city. 

That is the love of God.  And it reaches us all.  Even to those of us who don't deserve it.  The peace that followed helped me to realize I CAN get through this.  Even if I have to continue to live apart from my husband for a few more weeks.  Even if we have to continue to wait to find a buyer for our house.  I can get through it because Christmas is coming.  And I will have all the beautiful lights and trees, and "melodies of Christmas" to remind me of the love of God.

 

 After this sobbing realization, I wanted more Christmas music.  Not songs of Santa and presents.  I have always been pretty strict about no Christmas until after Thanksgiving.  But in that moment, I realized that Christmas music is always appropriate if you are feeling the Spirit.  I skipped through my playlist and listened to every Christian Christmas song I had.  Not the ones about frosty, or Santa, but just the ones about Christ.  And I continued to cry almost the entire drive home.  Not tears of sadness.  But tears of joy.  Of relief and peace.  I'm ready for Christmas early this year.  And that's ok.  Because the message of Christmas is year-round.  The love of God. 



A BIG CHANGE!

Parker's job at Cactus Pete's was getting us down pretty bad.  Parker was frustrated, because he was working long hours, was under a lot of pressure to complete a large number of tasks, and certain people in certain positions above him were making his life miserable.  The other managers used him as a scapegoat for reasons they didn't have work done.  And about a month ago he was given his performance review (which he has always done fairly well on) and he was given.....very bad (and extremely unfair) scores.  The review was kinda the straw to break the camel's back.  He hardly spoke for almost two days, because he was so upset about it but didn't want to talk about it either.

On my end, (and I'm sure you've noticed from previous blog posts) things weren't much better either.  He left for work before me, and came home at different times every night.  Sometimes (VERY RARELY) he'd get off at 5:00-5:30 and was home around 6:00.  Most nights he wasn't.  And sometimes wouldn't even get off till after 7:00 PM.  Don't forget he had a 1 hour drive home too!  Evening activities like Caleb's t-ball, Relief Society activities, and other church functions I always had the same dilemma.  I would call Parker at work.  "I have to go visiting teaching tonight after work, can you make it home by 6 so I won't have to take the kids?"  and the reply was always the same, "I'll try."  Sometimes he made it.  But so often, he'd get caught up doing this or that and then, with the commute home, I just ended up packing the kids everywhere I went.  It's not like he didn't WANT to be there.  It was particularly difficult in t-ball season.  Parker wants to be there to teach his son the game that he loves so much.  But he just couldn't.  I was getting pretty frustrated.  There were about 2 or 3 job changes in the HR department over the past year, when we really thought Parker would be the candidate to get to move up.  The most recent one, I had such high hopes that I fasted and prayed that he would get the promotion.  It never happened.  "She" who must not be named said she didn't like Parker's "style."  Whatever that means.  Meanwhile, things have continued to change in the HR department at Pete's.  When Parker started, he had holidays off.  About a year and a half ago they (or rather....SHE.....) decided that since the casino is a 24-7 operation, 365 days a year.....HR workers were now expected to work holidays.  Oh sure, you could spend Christmas with your family.....as long as you took a vacation day.  So.....there goes half of his vacation time making up for holidays that he used to have off.  It was becoming quite clear that his career path did NOT have a future at the casino.  After the performance review, Parker started looking for a new job.  Only a couple weeks later he got an e-mail about a position in Boise.  The Auto Auction out by Gowen Field was looking for a new HR guy.  The e-mail was sent out to students in the HR program at BSU, most of those students did not have working experience.  Parker did.  He had a phone interview, and then 2 days later an in-person interview.  Just a couple of hours after his first interview, they called him and told him the interview went well and that they would like to have one more interview in a couple days.  It was at THAT interview that they offered him a new job.  The offer also included 3 scheduled salary raises, as well as the promise to be HR Manager by 1016.  Wow.  A future!  All of the sudden I was grateful for those un-answered prayers.  And to move to Boise!  After ten years I finally get to go back to my home-town!  The emotions that hit me were a HUGE mixture.  I was so grateful!  And Parker was so excited!  And so relieved!

The new job means for some other huge changes in our lives.  The most complicated of which, involves selling our house.  And the other (and possibly MORE complicated issue....I haven't decided what's worse yet....it depends on the moment) would be for me to find a job in the Treasure Valley.  The Boise area is completely SATURATED with dental hygienists.  I mean, there is NO work.  There's a dental hygiene school up there (Cerrington college) that cranks out loads of girls every semester.  Now, all of these new graduates have at least 50,000 dollars in debt and only an associates degree.  I know that my 5 years of experience and Bachelor's degree will hopefully bring my resume to the top of the piles....but the honest truth is that most of the jobs are filled before they're even advertised.  It's going to take PERFECT timing to find a job.  And there's only so much that I can do while I'm here in Twin Falls.  But I can't exactly just quit my job when there's a mortgage to pay either.  So it's a waiting game.  What will come first?  A job?  Or a buyer for the house?  So far we haven't even had any showings on the house.  It's been on the market for a month now.

Every moment is a rush of conflicting emotions.  Along with the stress of selling the house, me finding a job, and the omni-present fact that we are MOVING....Parker started his new job on Monday, and I have to live without him during the week.  He's been staying at my mom and dad's house and then he'll come home on the weekends.  Monday I did pretty good.  Tuesday was extremely difficult.  I found out that a position I'd applied for had been filled.  And then I started missing Parker so much, that I pretty much cried most of the afternoon.  My last 2 patients of the day were extremely difficult for me.  Behind my mask I had constant tears dripping from my eyes.  I told my patients that I had allergies to explain all the sniffling.  When in reality, I just couldn't get it under control.  I had to stop working 2 times on each patient to get up and go into the bathroom to blow my nose and wipe my tears.  Allergies.  If only.  There were moments when I was convinced I was going to have to go tell Dr. Thompson that I couldn't keep it together anymore, and I just needed to go home.  But I eventually made it through, and when I finally climbed into my car, I just sat and bawled for 10 minutes before actually pulling out of the parking lot. 

This particular post has taken me nearly 3 weeks to write.  It really is the last thing I want to do right now.  Sit and write about the stress and changes that have happened over the past month.  I have days when I think to myself, "I'm ok....I can do this for a while."  Then there are days when I just miss Parker so much, I can't even find the motivation to feed my children, let alone myself.  Every night after the kids go to bed I watch movies while lying in my bed.  My feet are freezing every night, and that may sound like a stupid reason to get upset, but it's just one more thing  to make me realize how much I miss Parker.  If he were next to me, I would warm up in minutes.  But I lie there for 45 minutes to an hour (and sometimes longer) and I just never warm up.

The house has been on the market for a month and we haven't had a single showing.  Yesterday we lowered the price, but we really can't go much lower.  It's already very likely that we are going to have to pay money to get out of this house.  Especially if the buyers ask us to pay closing costs (which I'm almost certain they will.....we did).  It just seems so wrong.  Pay money to sell your house. 

Every morning before walking into work, I put my car in park and say a prayer with the engine running.  It's really the only time when I'm alone and don't have children to care for, and I'm not sleeping.  I know this is a trial of faith.  And Elder Holland's words from conference, "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." keep echoing in my mind.  I'm trying to stay faithful.  I know so many people go through things like this all the time.  And I know we'll make it through, but there are days when it's just so hard.  I have moments when I think to myself that we should just put renters in the house so I can actually be together with my husband.  Maybe THAT'S the kind of act of faith that I need to do.  But at the same time, I've heard so many horror stories of houses taking years to sell, and renters that have completely trashed their houses.  I don't know. 

I know Parker's job was such a big blessing.  And an answer to my prayers.  It was something I've been asking for for a long time.  But with it has brought a very uncertain future, and it's so hard to be okay with not knowing what will happen.  But I guess that's what faith is.  And we're moving forward.  One little moment at a time.

Fall begins and CRAZY weather!

This fall has brought some crazy weather!  This video is of a severe rain/hail/wind storm we had at the beginning of September.  I have honestly never seen anything like this in Idaho.  I submitted this video to KTVB at 9:40 in an e-mail and it showed up on the 10:00 news that night!  I was pretty excited!  This storm was only like this in Filer!  Twin Falls (only 6 miles away) got some wind and rain, but the wind/rain and HAIL at these speeds only hit us in little Filer.  It pretty much destroyed my garden.  This fall has also brought lots of fires (especially in the Wood River Valley) that created some pretty spectacular sunsets.

Below here is a picture I took on my way home from work.  I believe this was the day AFTER that huge storm you saw in the video.

And THIS one is actually the sunrise on a Friday morning.  I've been doing my grocery shopping at 6:00 AM on Friday mornings.  I do this so I don't have to take my kids.  Call me crazy, but I HATE shopping with my children so much.  And going at this time gave me so much more of an opportunity to keep my temper in check with those little ones.  Driving home from the store I've gotten to see the sunrise in my rear-view-mirror.  I've never been very fond of 6:00 AM.....but seeing a beautiful sunrise, and feeling like you've accomplished your errands in half the time before Dad even leaves for work: well....lets just say it's worth it in my book.

Below are just a few more pictures we have taken this fall.  Garrett eating dirt.  And my kids in the sunset. 

I'm pretty grateful for these 3 little yay-who's.  They are pretty awesome kids.  And I'm very blessed to have them.

Haircut

Parker was really liking my long hair....so I kept it that way for much longer than I usually do.  My hair has been this length:

since before Garrett was born.  And my last haircut....was when Angie was still being carried around in her carseat.  Yeah.  I had Parker cut the ends around the time Garrett was born, just to get rid of the breaks and split ends.  And I've enjoyed the versatility of long hair.  I mostly put it in a braid for work.  Lots of ponytails, and lots of braids.  I couldn't war it down very often because Garrett pulls it so much.  Finally I was getting fed-up.  I decided it was time for a change.  I made the decision on a whim and one day after work I had my babysitter's sister cut it off.  I decided I wanted to donate my hair (since it was not color treated....and it was definitely long enough). 

I probably wouldn't have gone that short normally....but I decided it would be good to donate it.  I have lots of friends and family that have battled cancer recently.  A friend in my office at work (Sheri), Parker's brother, Garrett, and a young man in our ward (Jared) had all lost their hair from cancer treatment, and then grown it back.  I decided I could do this.  Even though my hair wouldn't be helping THOSE people, it hopefully would be helping someone.

As I sat getting my hair cut, Angie stood there and bawled her little eyes out.  "No mommy!  Don't let her cut your hair!"

Poor Angie.  Her hair is just to thin and sparce to grow out long.  Not to mention I STILL can't get it to grow on top yet! She is always brushing my hair and touching it.  She called me "Rapunzel" all the time, especially when I braided my hair.  Anyway.  Now she asks me every day.  "Mom.  Why is your hair not growing?!"  

Harvest Begins...

The garden is producing!  I canned salsa for the first time WITHOUT my mother this year!  And I learned a valuable lesson...TASTE TEST!  We hadn't added very many chillis, but by the time we tasted it, it was already too hot.  Oh well.  I'll just serve it with sour cream I guess.  My mom likes it hot....not so much for me and Parker, but it was still lots of fun!

First Day of School

After the labor-day craziness came the first day of school.  Caleb loves watching Discovery and NOVA so much, he's sticking to his story: he wants to be a Marine Biologist.  I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty proud.  Most kids say they want to be an artist at this age.  But my boy already has high hopes for himself.  And I honestly believe he could do it!  He's so smart! 

I guess I'll take a minute and write a few things about my Caleb.  He's getting so big.  I mean.  The kid's getting HEAVY.  I can't carry him anymore, and when he sits on my lap, I want him to get off cuz he puts my legs to sleep.  He hates getting woke up for school.  He's often cranky and does not move very fast in the mornings.  Once he's had breakfast, he often perks right up and is quite pleasant.  But on mornings when I'm running late, and I wake him up late and tell him to hurry before he's even woken up......he gets pretty upset.  (Honestly who wouldn't....) 

Caleb loves learning about animals and yesterday when I picked him up after work, he informed me that he learned about spiders.  "Mom.  Did you know spiders are actually called arachnids?"

"Yep, I did."

"And did you know that arachnids have 2 body parts and 8 legs?"

"Yeah, I knew that."

"And MOST insects have wings, but spiders are NOT insects. 

"like flies?"

"Yeah.  The flies are REALLY bad this time of year."

"YES they are!"  (As I swat at a fly while driving in the car.)

"Mom.  Did you know that scorpions are also another type of arachnids?"

".......no."

I'm constantly getting schooled by my 7 year old. 

The other day I was getting Caleb dressed for school.  The playground is covered in tiny little rocks that Caleb brings home in his shoes every day.  The pebbles make it into his pants, socks, and therefore my laundry machines.  My lint filter fills with rocks faster than it does lint.  Anyway.  After a few weeks of school, I noticed Caleb hadn't been bringing home NEARLY as many rocks as he did last year.  "Caleb.  There's not as many rocks in your shoes this year.  Are you playing somewhere different at recess?  What have you been doing?"

I was NOT prepared for his answer.

"Oh.  Well I've been running in the grass.  I chase girls and they chase me."

I'M SORRY WHAT?!!!!!

I started laughing! 

"You chase GIRLS on the playground?!"

He suddenly got embarrassed.  "Well...not ALL the time...."

I realized what was happening.

"Caleb, it's ok to tell me the truth.  And honestly, I think it's ok to chase girls at school.  Just don't kiss them.."

He laughed.

"Right.  Cuz we don't kiss girls unless it's our mom."

"Right."

I told him to not be embarrassed and that it's always more important to tell mom the truth.  I apologized for laughing at him.

Just yesterday I received an e-mail from Caleb's teacher: Mrs. Florian.  Here's what it said.

I was just e-mailing to let you know what a great student Caleb is in my class.  We have been in school for a couple of weeks now and I am amazed with the wealth of information he has to share on school related topics.  He is working really hard on his reading and he always seems to know the answer to my math questions as well.  You have one smart cookie!  He is very polite and respectful too....
Just wanted to let you know how proud I am of him, have a great evening. 

I was overjoyed to read this e-mail.  Mom's always want to hear praise about their kids.  Especially from someone like a teacher!  Caleb is struggling a little with reading.  Nothing too serious.  We didn't work on it over the summer, and so he's taking an extra reading class with about 11 other students from his class each day.  I'm so proud of him and I love him so much.

STOP

The past couple weeks have been pretty hard ones.  I think I've been pretty blessed in my life so far, and even though I've done hard things (like go to school with a newborn baby, or send my kids to daycare while I go to work 4 days a week, or give my time to church callings during the evening when I've spent a whole day at work, and my husband still isn't home from HIS job so I take the kids with me) I think for the most part I handle it pretty well.  Maybe my skin is just getting thicker, but the hard things that I do day-to-day haven't left me feeling down and depressed.....and most days I really feel like I love my life, and I love my job, and most importantly I love being a mom. 

The last few weeks, I have NOT felt this way though.  My first instinct is to blame it on other things.  Mostly my husband working so many hours (with a 1 hour commute home each day).  It makes things so hard to have him gone, and so many days I just wish there was someone there to lighten the load.  But I know it's more than that.  The way I have been feeling lately could be partly blamed on that, but I know the majority of it is just me.  Somewhere along the road I've forgotten to take some important steps.  To care for myself.  The thing I forget to care for the most is my spirit.  I forget to pray, and I don't read the scriptures like I should.  But other days, I don't care for my heart.  Some days I need one-on-one time with my husband, and some days I need to go to the temple, and some days I need to just go shopping WITHOUT CHILDREN.  All of this, eventually made me feel like I had too much on my plate.  And I felt like I was on the verge of rage at every moment.  And my children, who test my patience on a minute-by-minute basis, were starting to cry BEFORE I even yelled at them. I heard wrappers rustling in the pantry, followed by the spill of chocolate milk mix one evening, and yelled from my bedroom, "What just spilled?!" followed by, "I'm sorry...." and then tears. 
Frustration was piling on top of me.  They don't listen if I'm not yelling!  They fight, and argue, and don't eat their food.  The biggest thing that stood out to me was the way my 7-year-old was talking to his little sister.  And to me.  He was yelling at his sister about everything!  And days when I noticed that he could be all-out rude.  It seemed like he was getting a pretty short fuse.  And I realized he had to be learning it from someone.  It was me.  There were days when Parker would come home, and I was yelling at the kids for this and that, and he would stop me.  "It's ok, they're just kids."  I didn't even realize I had a problem until somebody shared this link on their facebook page:
  
10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling

Reading this article made me cry my eyes out.  And I started the resolve to change. But then I quickly forgot.  Then about a week later there was a talk in sacrament meeting, where a sister actually spoke about this exact article and how it helped her change to be more kind and loving.  We had a particularly rough evening that day, when dad and mom were both on a rampage.  And that night somebody shared this article:

The Important Thing About Yelling

This one was the straw to break the camel's back.  I felt so awful.  And I made a resolution to stop yelling.

I'm learning that this challenge is really for my son too.  I have to remind him to not yell just about as often as I remind myself.  And believe me, I think I fail every day.  But it's not an overnight switch.  It's a process.  And I know that as long as I am TRYING to be better, that I'm that much better than I was....even if I still slip up and yell a few times each day.  It's so hard.  I've had to explain to my children that just because I'm not going to yell doesn't mean I'm not going to teach you when you did something wrong.  And their wrong choices still have consequences.  But that consequence will not be me raising my voice.  I have to remember that I can't lose my patience over mistakes.  Children make mistakes.  And I know I do too. 

I've made a resolve to take better care of myself too.  To strengthen my faith, and to make sure I spend quality time with my husband (and not just give him what's left after being exhausted from being a mom each day).  My husband is trying to yell less too, and I am so grateful to have someone to help me through this.  I've also started doing my grocery shopping at 6:00 AM on pay-day before daddy goes to work.  I get home just in time for him to leave, and although I really do HATE 6:00 in the morning, I hate losing my patience at the grocery store even more.  And my oldest has REALLY started to like this change.  He told me he hates grocery shopping because "You always yell at us."  You think?!  They ask for things, and hang on the cart, and step on my toes, and pull things off the shelves, and ask for treats, and of course I yell at them.  It's such a nightmare!  But shopping in the morning completely removes this issue from the table, and I like it as much as they do. 

I really hope you took a second to read the articles in the links that I shared in this post.  I really feel like they helped me so much.  I am only getting started, but I already feel so much better by trying to be more loving. 

Parker's Birthday

August 15th was Parker's birthday.  We really didn't do much, we were in Burley for the 2nd week in a row to celebrate the fair.  But I did take the time to make him a "Lemon Zest" cake, which he took to work and shared with the HR department.  He even took a piece over to the pastry chef at the casino (the same chef who has won "death by chocolate" for like 4 years in a row) and gave him a taste.  Parker tells me he liked it.  

With all of the craziness of the fair going on, we really never had the time to actually throw a party for Parker.  But I did manage to order a few movies for him from Walmart.com.  These are movies that we both love, always quote or talk about, and seem to think we already had....but didn't.  Space Jam, Newsies, and Better Off Dead.

Parker's 32nd birthday has got me thinking a bit.  He was 22 when we met, and when we got married.  It's been 10 years.  A lot has changed since then.  The biggest change, of course, has been the 3 children that now live with us.  They consume so much of my time and energy, that I'm sure there are days when he feels like I'm nothing more than the crazy lady who does his laundry and asks him to do a million things every day.  But it's not true.  The hours when I'm home and he's not, my heart aches for him to be here.  He's the only other adult living in this house, and after my days and evenings of speaking "child" I love being able to just have an adult conversation with him.  He's the one that I want to tell about my highs and lows each day.  And he's the one who makes me laugh. 

 

I know he doesn't think these things are that big of a deal, but he has fixed quite a few things this summer.  Starting with my car.  Every time something breaks down, I go through this mental stressed-out crazy-spell.  I think, and worry, and lose sleep over these things.  After he fixed my car, he fixed the AC in his car (only a week later).  Both of these things, I was worried we would have to pay a mechanic to fix, but he was able to do it.  Next he fixed the lawn mower (even though....the time has come that it needs fixing again, I have no doubt he'll be able to do it), and then just yesterday I noticed the AC in our house wasn't working right.  Our power bill last month was ridiculously high, and I thought it was a bit odd, but it was also a peak summer month and rates always go up.  I paid the bill and didn't think much more about it.  But yesterday, I noticed it was 76 in the house all day, and the AC was running ALL DAY, and the temperature never seemed to go down.  Then, when I put my hand over the vent, I realized there was hardly any air blowing.  I laid in bed that night and tossed and turned just worrying about how long our house could handle this before we had to call somebody to fix it.  I started making mental lists of who I could call (Terry's heating and air-conditioning, Brizee, etc) and wondering how soon before they could make it out here.  And then how much was it going to cost.  I made a mental note to quit using the oven and keep the ceiling fan on all day to keep the temperature down.  Parker was gone hunting when I discovered the problem.  But the following afternoon, he arrived home with a new filter, and the first thing he did was go outside and clean the leaves, weeds, and grime from the blower out there.  Such a simple fix, but it never crossed my mind.  And even though, I'm sure in his mind it was just common sense, and completely easy.....it's moments like these when I am so grateful to have a husband.  My worries washed away in one swift moment when I realized he'd solved the problem....AGAIN.....without a phone call.

 

So many things seem to just come naturally to him.  He has an understanding of how things work, and an in-born ability to figure things out that is so completely foreign to me.  He works hard at a job doing things I could NEVER do.  He takes criticism on a regular basis (which I have never handled well) and makes himself better for it.  He loves to have fun, and spend time outside.  One of my favorite memories this summer was our day-trip to the south hills, which was nothing more than our little family spending the day outside. 

 

One thing about my husband that brings me so much joy is watching him spend time with his children.  Parker is a great dad, and has a very tender place in his heart for the relationship that he shares with his own father.  I never mind that he's not helping me with house chores when he's playing with the kids.  He teaches and plays at the same time, and the kids really do love him.  I've especially seen it in little Garrett.  He wants daddy to hold him EVERY time he walks through the door.  And if daddy walks outside without him.....TEARS!  Caleb loves to do things with daddy, like shooting bows, or golfing, or just working in the garage.  Angie likes to sit on daddy's lap and listen to him tell her she's beautiful.  And Garrett just loves when daddy's around.  He crawls to the laundry room every time he hears that garage door open.

 

It brings me so much peace to know that he's here to watch over us, but also that he loves me unconditionally.  Over the past 10 years, there have been moments when I've lost it, and I've sad some hurtful things to my husband.  And even when he has hurt me, the question that NEVER crosses my mind is if he still loves me.  It's because of that, that we have been able to heal the hurts, and overcome our differences to become closer.  I love his smile, and his loud and obnoxious laugh.  I love that he'll listen, even when he's sick of me talking.  This year marks the point when I've spent 1/3 of my life with my husband.  And even though the years I count with him are not a majority yet.....they are by far the best.  I'm grateful for a righteous priesthood holder to be my husband.  And for the love that we share as a family each day.  I love him more every day.

End of Summer / Fair Week

Fair season is here.  Which means Robyn and John are in town for a week, and the kids get to spend time with their long-lost cousins.  This picture was taken only minutes after we all arrived at grandma and grandpa's house.  Kayleigh was SCREAMING with excitement when she saw Angie standing in the driveway.  (We arrived within 5 minutes of each other actually). 

These girls were in-separable the entire week!  I've never seen my Angie love and play with anybody as well as she does with Kayleigh.  They spent a lot of time pretending together.  They made mud in grandpa's buckets and called it "soup."  I think they spent HOURS outside just pretending together.  I started to notice a "poopy" smell every time Angie came inside.  At first I thought she was holding it in too much because she was having so much fun, and then having little accidents in her pants.  But after giving her a bath and sending her back out....she came back AGAIN smelling like an outhouse.  I asked Robyn if she thought the girls stunk.  Turns out those buckets had some nasty old mud (and possible some septic nastiness as well) that smelled like a sewer.  And the MUD was making the girls stink.  One more bath for the pair of them and then we told them "NO MORE SOUP!"

The girls also managed to get into a bit of trouble together too.  One afternoon, I realized they had been playing in a room with the door shut, for just a little too long.  When I went in to see what all the silence was about, I found the girls looking like this!

They had gotten into my make-up, and decided to give each other make-overs. Robyn was actually gone for this one.  She was over at John's mom and dad's house.....let me just say.  I was pretty furious....and also laughing at the same time.  They ruined my eye-shadow, my mascara, and my new bottle lf lip gloss.  If make-up were cheap it'd be one thing....but it SOO isn't!  I wanted to rage, and spank, and punish.  But I didn't.  They were just being little girls, and having so much fun together.  I washed their faces, threw away my make-up and sent the picture to Robyn. 

 

We also left the kids at grandma and grandpa's house for a couple of the week-days so they could get some more time with their cousins.  And that meant Parker and I had an evening without kids.  We went to the temple, and it was a very nice evening.  This picture below was taken with grandpa's phone while we were away.  Apparently Garrett stood with that golf club in his hands for several minutes.  This is a pretty big deal, since Garrett is still not walking.

When Parker and I made it back for the weekend, we spent lots of time visiting and catching up with family.  Jayne spent the week there too, so Saije got to spend time with her cousins as well.  The girl is actually starting to keep up pretty well!  The first weekend there, Robyn and I stayed up till 3:00 in the morning talking.  I felt like a teenage girl again.  I had so much fun with her!  As a mommy, you just don't always get the adult chat time that you need.  The kids fell asleep, and we just kept on talking.  Paul even woke up around 1:00 and spent the rest of the time talking with us.  I just love Robyn! When Parker and I first got married, we used to spend so much time hanging out with her and John.  I remember how emotionally distraught I was when they moved to Las Vegas.  I cried and cried the day they left.  Robyn is a sister and a friend, and I really enjoy spending time with her.

 

We spent time riding the 4 wheelers:

and Parker and Caleb brought their bows to shoot:

 

Angie bonked her head on the corner!  This girl just doesn't realize she has to look forward when she's running!  The bump was pretty nasty for a couple of days!

We also spent some time over at the Turner's house and the kids got to spend some time with Ethan and Maddie as well.

 

We had a water-fight in the back yard:

And we watched a movie outside with the projector screen!  Angie and Kayleigh played in the dark outside the entire time, and hardly even watched the movie.  Those girls just couldn't resist not playing together, even if it was dark outside. 

I got a video of Garrett trying to walk.  He was doing really well at that point!  And now he's afraid to take a step again.  Now when I stand him up, he'll just stand there and laugh at me, or he'll sit down and crawl.  And if you keep at it long enough, he'll just make his whole body go limp so that you can't even stand him up anymore.

On our last day in Burley, we went over to the fair.  Our plan was to attend the rodeo.  But I really didn't want to try to sit in a crowded stadium with Garrett.  He's so difficult at church, I wasn't gonna even risk it with endless stairs and benches covered with food, soda, and sunflower seeds.  Ultimately we decided to NOT go to the rodeo.  We walked the fair until it was dark, and then we packed up our stuff and went home.  

 

The following week was the Twin Falls County Fair which takes place at the fairgrounds here in Filer.  The difference between these two fairs is of course SIZE.  I still find it humorous at how BIG OF A DEAL those small-town county fairs are.  The Cassia County fair in Burley is like a huge week-long community get together.  And it's free.  Honestly you spend enough money on fair food, that I don't think admission is necessary.  Twin Falls county fair is a lot bigger, and admission is NOT free.  As a result, our family only attends for one day instead of every evening like we do in Burley.  This year, I thought it would be fun if Parker and Caleb went to see the monster trucks.

  So I took it upon myself to buy the tickets, and then we all went to the fair on Wednesday after work.  We took 2 cars so that I could take the little ones home as soon as they ran out of gas.  I figured it wouldn't take long.  Boy was I wrong.  Parker and Caleb went straight over to the monster truck show, and I took Angie and Garrett to see all of the animals.

I took a lot of pictures of Angie with the animals, because I just could not get over how much she loved them!  She had no fear!  She would stick her hand inside the fence to pet the goats and horses.  And even when they would "baaa" at her, she jumped a little and kept on petting them.  I really think she may be my little 4H girl.  She even liked looking at the pigs!  (Which were much to noisy and stinky in my opinion).

Angie just LOVES horses.  She has a tv show that she watches on Netflix called "Horseland."  and she really wants to learn to ride horses.  So being at the fair was very exciting for her.  Our favorites were the "Draft Horses"  which are some of THE BIGGEST things I have EVER SEEN!  I mean I was shocked how big these horses were!  Angie still wasn't intimidated by their size.  She wanted to pet them, and made me tell her the name of each animal.

We spent almost 2 hours looking at animals.  The monster truck show ended and Angie still wanted to keep walking around.  We never did meet up with daddy and Caleb.  After spending about 20 minutes trying to get ahold of Parker, I decided we'd better just leave.   The fair is so crazy, especially around the carnival.  Those stupid carnies try to entice your kids into playing their stupid games. It's really irritating actually.  I have a hard enough time keeping track of my children at the fair....I don't need any extra help from carnies trying to lure them away.  I found that the craziness of the fair is mostly in the carnival area.  We found if we stick to the back where the animals and tractor displays were, there was far less people and noise to deal with.  Angie discovered a pink tractor, and her first instinct was to climb under that rope and get onto the tractor.  I had to reach in and pull her back.  How could a pink tractor be for display only?!  She was pretty upset.

In the "Ag building" I found a swimming pool full of beans and tractors for the kids to play in for a while.  I'm pretty sure Garrett ate a bunch of the beans.  He just couldn't resist.  But he never choked, and I figured they will digest after a day or two.  (I know....clearly he is my 3rd child and not my 1st.  Because the fact that my baby is sitting in a pool where several other children have sat with dirty hands and feet and eating those beans.....doesn't seem to bother me in the slightest bit).

 

This year we didn't buy any fair food (although I seriously wanted an elephant ear), and of course didn't ride any rides.  We always take a trip to Lagoon a few weeks after the fair, and the kids get to go on as many rides as they want. 

 

The fair marks the end of summer.  School starts the day after Labor day (which is the last day of the fair).  I have been having this urge to just "get out" and soak in the last ounces of summer that are left before we get back to the school routine. 

I have been having this strong urge to take my kids out to play at the park, or out to dinner.

Yesterday we took the family to IHOP for dinner (kids eat free) and I just can't help but feel like it's all coming to an end.  I've also had this serious urge to get some canning done.  This is a little difficult right now, because nobody has peaches!  Our tree didn't produce any this year (and neither did my parents, or Parker's parents).  I heard of a fruit stand in Twin Falls that was selling cases for $10.00 but when I got there yesterday to buy them, they were already sold out. 

 

I'll get it done though.  Maybe I can find some by Monday (since I'm off work for Labor day).  This week we also took Caleb to school to meet his teacher, and find his classroom.  I can't believe my boy is in 2nd grade!  I still feel like he just started kindergarten!

 

Goodbye summer!