Troubled

A couple weeks ago I took the kids to Boise for the weekend. I had a CE course that my office was attending, and I decided to spend the weekend with my parents and visit with Grandma Willis, who is staying with mom and dad for a couple months.

My sister, Melissa, was kind enough to watch my kids while I was at my class....but when it was over we got a few $5 pizzas and hauled all the kids over to mom and dad's to play. Caleb sure LOVES his cousins! He tells everybody that Chase is his best friend. It's fun to see the kids grow up together. It reminds me of my visits to Grandma's house in Missouri when I was a child. I got to see my cousins WAY less often, but when we DID get together, it was like we were best friends. And I just love seeing my kids get that same experience with THEIR cousins. Anyway. While I was at mom and dad's Grandma told me about a cousin of mine (I have.....MANY.......) and I'm not going to say who it is on this blog, because I'm not trying to publicize the situation.....only explain how it has made me feel. This blog has become more of a journal for me than anything else. And hopefully I've lost enough of my readers, that I won't offend anyone by saying this. But I really feel like I should document my feelings here. Anyway. This....cousin....and her husband have left the church. I was completely FLOORED! And I just couldn't believe how MUCH IT BOTHERED ME. I could think about NOTHING ELSE for almost an entire week. It just weighed on my mind SO HEAVILY. If THEY could be drawn away and lose their faith.......someone who HAD a temple marriage, whose husband served a mission, and had children born within that temple covenant.....how important is it that I keep MY family strong? That I nourish my testimony and help my children to build their own before someone tries to crush THEIRS (which.....HEAVEN FORBID it be THEIR OWN PARENTS!!!!) Augh. I'm not trying to say anything bad about this person. I won't lie, it's not like I was ever even close to her. It just troubled me SO MUCH. It's not like they JUST left the church either. They don't even believe in God anymore. I just can't fathom it.

After hearing this news, I lied awake just thinking and thinking. For almost an entire week I was constantly thinking about it. And then making promises to myself. Promises like, "That will NEVER happen to me". Promises to be better at reading the scriptures, and saying prayers. To have Family Home Evening, and take the time to teach my children the gospel principles that I SO STRONGLY believe are true. I came to the realization that the world around me is gonna do what it's gonna do. And even those in my own family may not make the decisions that I think are right. But my testimony is MINE. And there is NOTHING in this world that will make me forsake my faith. And I will do everything in my power to make sure that that happens.

I have seen the blessings of living the gospel in my life. And I know it's not by chance that I am where I am. And that the choices I make to pay my tithing, and to atend church, and sacrifice my time to build the kingdom of God are choices that have BLESSED MY LIFE. And I will NEVER forget it.