My Soul Delighteth...

I think I should write about some things that have been on my mind....

I'm not a very obedient Latter Day Saint. Ever since....I started college actually....my scripture reading has slackened. Don't get me wrong...I go through spurts where I'm good. But before college, I NEVER missed a day. It didn't matter how late it was, or what I'd been doing. I ALWAYS read my scriptures before going to bed. As a result....I was a pretty good kid in High School. And I had a pretty strong testimony.

But then life happens...and it seems like my saint-like habits are now something to aspire to instead of maintain. And I've been thinking. No matter how strong you've been....it doesn't really matter if you don't keep it that way. You can't expect your testimony from your past (for a lot of people their missions might be the time of that spiritual high....for me it was High School) to carry you through the rest of your life.

This week, I haven't missed a day of reading my scriptures or saying my prayers. And I can't believe how different things seem. I feel like I've been dying of thirst, and I've finally found the well. How is it that I skipped out so much? I find myself wanting to read one more chapter all the time. And usually I can't keep my eyes open to finish the verse. Not now. I feel like every word was written FOR ME. And not just for me, but for me to share. I have a friend at work, who has asked me about my beliefs so many times. She was raised hard-core christian, some of her family rules were much more strict than mine. She never saw PG 13 movies, listened to the radio, or dated until she was out of the house. My point is, that I have never met someone so prepared to receive the good news of the gospel. And as I read the words of the Book of Mormon, I find myself thinking how much she would love these scriptures . I've already decided to give her a Book of Mormon. I'm just kinda waiting....hoping to find the time that's best. Like there might be a conversation we'll have so that afterwards she'll be more likely to read it. I think that's a fancy way of saying it's fear of rejection. I keep thinking if I can prepare her more....talk to her more that I might be able to bring it up in conversation. And then she'd want to read it. I suppose I'm just stalling. The fact that I think about her every time I read the scriptures is prompting enough. Anyway. One other thing I think about when I read the scriptures:
My lost brother and sister. David and Jayne. Actually David is MY brother, and Jayne is Parker's sister. But both have fallen from the church. And both for extremely different reasons.

I read this verse, and I started to cry.
Alma 34:32-34 "For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors.
And now as I have said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therfore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for afther this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkenss wherein there can be no labor performed. Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world."

My dear brother. Who says he believes the teachings of the church, but can't change his life right now. My brother, who is in the bondage of sin, but thinks he has chosen freedom. Does he realize how much support he would get if he came back? How the way back is really the EASY road...and not the one he has chosen. Has HE read these verses? How can he learn that the teachings of the church will make his life easir....not harder. The string to the kite keeps us in flight. Tethered to safety yes....but in flight just the same. A kite with no string can't fly.

And when our minds wander to these people while reading the scriptures....what does that mean I should do? I get on my knees and pray. But I can't make them change. A part of me says I should call him (which I NEVER do....I call David on his birthday....that's it).....and tell him my thoughts, and read him these verses. Then part of me says he won't even listen.

And Jayne. Who has become astranged from the family. Who can't even talk, text or e-mail her parents or siblings without a fight. Although with her, I'm not sure what she believes. I confess, that my hopes of her returning to the church are a little more far-fetched. With her, I wish more than anything that she could just come home. That she could forgive, and we could forgive, and not lose any more time.

I have felt the Holy Ghost speak to my heart every night this week. "My soul delighteth in the scriptures." I hope this is more than just a "spurt." I love the Book of Mormon. I hope my friends and family will read of its words often. It was written for us.