Sunday, September 25, 2011
Fat
But here's something that HAS happened in the last 3 weeks. All those inches that I've lost...... well they're back. No I haven't measured. I'm too ashamed. But I can feel it. And I hate it. All those size 8 jeans sitting in my drawer that I was SO CLOSE to fitting into. Now I'm back where I started. Everything is tight. And for lack of a better word, I just feel FAT. I'm sorry to be graphic, but the roll on my waist that presents itself every time I sit just makes me feel...... so awful. I know my size and the challenge it presents IS NOTHING compared to what so many others have to deal with. But it's an honest dilema for me, and it weighs on my mind heavily.
THE ABSALUTE WORST part about all of this, is that when I decide to get back with the program.....I will be back at square one. That alone was a HUGE reason to keep going. But I didn't. Now when I run, I'll be out of breath. My lungs will burn. And I will feel like I have to slow down and walk.....either that or die. And for the first week I will be sore. The first week is painful. And SO un-fun.
But I see other women, thin and toned. Most have had at least 2 children as well (the onces I compare myself to). If they can do it why can't I? LOOK AT HER! Does she have to try as hard as I do? Most likely not. But forget about comparing myself to others. Everybody knows you're not supposed to do that. If there's anything that will get me back into this, it's the way I feel about myself. And there are times, when the way I feel is nothing short of disgusted. I have the makings of a double-chin (shut up. It's MY blog.) I notice in some pictures of myself, and every time I look in the mirror. And my waist. The constant reminder that I am NOT where I want to be. 2 kids is NO excuse.
So now, I have to turn this.....blah feeling.....into motivation. Again. Parker keeps telling me he'll get up with me at 6:00 (seriously....it's really NOT that early. But when you're a night-owl it truly feels like it) and he'll either work-out with me or do homework. Maybe if I can get him to commit......I can get myself back to where I was. But even without him.....I've gotta do this. Because hating myself for quitting- is no way to live.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Angie Language
"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!"
"What Angie?"
I don't really recall Caleb being as busy or difficult as her. It may be because she hit the terrible two's so early, or that Caleb's terrible twos were so long ago I've just forgotten. Either way, she's a HANDFUL. Very sweet and much more cuddly than Caleb ever was.....but BUSY. Very busy. She'll be two in 4 months. I just can't believe she's been with us that long. She is JUST ABOUT the age that Caleb was when I graduated Dental Hygiene School. I just can't even fathom that. She's saying so many things:
"Daddy"
Caleb Language
"Mom- can we say stupid?"
"Well CAleb, we don't call people stupid."
or
"Mom I HATE Angie's shoes. Can I say I hate her shoes?"
Puzzled, at why he even cared, I asked, "WHY do you hate her shoes? You don't wear them?"
"Mom, I just hate them."
I decided to take a different approach (since he CHERISHES his own shoes).
"Well would you like it if I said I hate YOUR shoes?"
"No! MOM! These are my NEW shoes!"
I then went on to explain to him the golden rule, how we don't say things to other people if we wouldn't want them to say it to us. I think he understood, but it still hasn't stopped the questions. He's also asked if we can call people "fat." This is a hard one, because of course the people/person he wants to call "fat" usually is. Once again, I tried to explain to him that we can't say things to people that would hurt their feelings. I'm glad he's asking first, but my first instinct is always, "Where did you hear that?" I suppose I should quit asking since he's in school, and there are things entering his brain other than what I CHOOSE to teach him. I just have to make sure I teach him right when he DOES ask.
Meanwhile, he has also been testing his "respectful" boundries. He knows that we are supposed to be respectful to people that are older than us. But sometimes he'll say things with an attitude and it completely shocks me. He really is such a sweetheart, and very tenderhearted. But sometimes I get a glimpse of the attitude. It seems we get more outbursts in the evening, when he's tired, hungry or both. The other evening I had put Angie to bed a little early, and he was still up. He was whining about something (probably having a snack before bed, which is usually out of the question) and I said to him, "Caleb be quiet, you're gonna wake up Angie." and he looked at me and said,
"No YOU be quiet."
Whoo. I had to surpress my first instinct to walk over there and slap his mouth. Instead I got a very stern look on my face and said, "You do NOT talk to me like that Caleb." I gave him his hundredth lecture on respect, which was quickly followed by an even LOUDER tear-filled sob, "I'M SORRY!!!!" He does NOT like to get into trouble. Once this happens, explaining ANYTHING is almost pointless because he just won't stop crying. At this point he usually starts rattling off made-up excuses between the tears,
"Mom, I wasn't talking to YOU! I was talking to a DIFFERENT mom!"
Ok. Now the LYING lecture. This is a new one. He's said things like this a few times to get out of trouble. I've had to explain to him that it's more important to tell the truth than to try to keep out of trouble. I think he's understanding this pretty well. He still does it once in a while, but now when I ask him why he did or said that, it's followed by a tear-filled
" MOM, I just wasn't THINKING!"
Ok. Some honesty. I can handle that. No you WEREN'T thinking.
I want my readers to know, I've just made a list of about all the bad things Caleb says, it probably sounds pretty bad. But he's not like that all the time, or even most of the time. He is an awesome kid, and most of the time very nice, and respectful. He's just learning I guess.
On a lighter note, as a 5-year-old he still mis-pronounces several words and it makes me laugh. I have chosen to NOT correct him on these ones, because it's just so cute. And I know it will correct itself with time. Especially now that he's in school. One I hear the most,
"Mumber." This is how he says "Number." I hear this one several times a day, and he's been learning his numbers in Kindergarten. So cute.
Another one, (my personal favorite) "Wuffabout?" This is how he says, "What about?" Example:
"Mom, wuffabout Dad? Is he coming too?"
Then there's "Not opposed" which is how he says "not supposed." I hear this one all the time too as he's correcting his sister.
"Angie! You're not opposed to throw food on the floor!"
Then there's "That whys." instead of "That's why." That one makes me smile every time too.
Then finally I just had to share this. On Thursday morning, Parker gave Caleb a father's blessing before his first day of school. After Parker left, Caleb asked me, "Mom do we get magic when daddy gives us a blessing?"
I wanted to laugh, I explained to him that a blessing is when daddy uses the Priesthood, the power of God, to help you to choose the right and be happy. He then asked, "Is DADDY magic?" Smiling again, I told him the difference between magic and the power of God. Mostly that the power of God is real, and that magic is not. I told him that with the power of the priesthood, you could heal the sick, or do miracles like Jesus did. Then he asked my favorite question.
"Do I have the priesthood like daddy?"
Then I got to tell him that if he could choose the right, and be good he would get the priesthood when he turned twelve. Satisfied with that answer, we went on with our day. Caleb is such an awesome kid. He is so full of faith, and very sweet. I have loved watching him grow and I am so excited to see what an awesome young man he will turn out to be.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Kindergarten Orientation
It's a New York Times best-seller, and HOLY COW! I really thought I had it together until I started listening to this book. I turned into a blubbering basket-case, and could hardly read the writing on the papers I was supposed to be filling out. Luckily I wasn't the only mom in there that was wiping her face. But I have no doubt I was the worst. Saturday, September 3, 2011
Back yar......back dirt. :)
About 11:00 PM he comes home and I asked him how much he spent. He hesitated. He then informed me of a service package that had been donated. "8 hours of labor from Clark Construction". He tells me that the bids got REALLY high, and that such a service would be what it takes to get our yard ready to plant. Excited that he'd seen an opportunity to get our back yard done, I didn't complain about the extra cost I hadn't anticipated. I'm sure if we'd hired a professional it would have costed MUCH MUCH more.
Months went by. And I was so hoping that THIS summer I would get to send my children outside to play. Our back yard is FENCED! But it's been nothing but weeds for 2 summers now. Coordinating our schedules was.....difficult. Parker decided to take This Friday (yesterday) off work so we could spend some quality time on the back yard before it gets cold. We'd called Bro. C. several times and left messages that we'd like him to work Friday if he was available.
Yesterday morning came, and we were lazing around the house. Still in our jammies. Then the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, I saw Brother C. standing there. His truck was pulling his bobcat tractor which was parked on the street in front of our house. "Do you guys want me to work today?"
"Really?!! I thought you guys were out of town! Yes we'd LOVE to work on the yard today!"
So I went and told Parker (who was in the shower). He quickly jumped out, dried off, and threw on his work clothes to go help. I was so surprised at how well that Bobcat removed the weeds, and then the dirt!
The problem with our back yard is that since our house was the very FIRST to be built in the neighborhood, the entire yard is sloped and un-even. Honestly I think that the builders were kinda lazy with....MORE than a few things.
Brother C. and his bobcat removed 15 cubic yards of dirt from our back yard. That was 3 dump-trucks FULL! I couldn't believe it! And mostly because looking back there now.....it doesn't look like ther could have been an extra 15 yards of dirt on all that. But now the ground is even. There are only a coupld steps left before we can plant grass. We have to dig around the fence-line since the bobcat can't go RIGHT up next to the fence, we will have to do that by hand. But Parker did a little section while Brother C. went to dump his truck. It won't take long. Then we'll have to borrow Parker's dad's rota-tiller and soften up the ground. Then we'll lay grass seed. We broke some sprinkler lines in the process. Parker will have to fix those as well. But the hard part is done. And I'm so excited.
Lagoon

His OTHER favorite was the BRAND-NEW ride this year: Bambora. He called it "the blue roller-coaster." Very fast. Very smooth. Very short. He loved it! The line moves really fast as well. So he got to go on this one 3 times.
We spent the majority of the time taking the kids on Kiddie rides. Angie was even able to go on a few. Which she loved, and then SCREAMED when we had to pull her off. But she was mostly happy for the entire trip. Parker and I were able to break away from the kids to hit our favorite ride, "Wicked" which starts off going 0 to 55 mph in like 4 seconds.
During that massive acceleration is a vertical climb, and then a vertical drop. Nice. One of my favorites by far. Rivaling only a few others I've been on. "Screamin" at California Adventure, and "Powder Keg" at Silver Dollar City in Branson. Here take a look. Here's the full ride on video:
When we left, I was sure both of the kids would crash within the first 10 minutes of the drive home. Caleb yes. He was pooped. And he has always been a good "car-sleeper." Angie continues to surprise me. Just when I think I've got her figured out, she does something I don't expect. She did NOT fall asleep in the first 10 minutes. Or 20. Or the first hour. After that I turned on our DVD player and put on her favorite movie "Tangled." She watched for another hour. And fel asleep 15 minutes before we arrived in Burley. Seriously? She's SOOOO strong-willed! Sooooo stubborn! I KNOW she was tired. She was EXTREMELY cranky by the time we left the park. No sir. Not gonna sleep in the car. I suppose I should ALWAYS count on that. She hardly EVER sleeps in the car. Anyway. We had such a blast.
Week 6- A total FLOP
In all honesty when I weighed myself yesterday, I was SURE that I would have gained everything back. I've been eating TERRIBLE. That day we went to Lagoon was ALL fast-food. And there have been other days that haven't been much better. Thank goodness I didn't gain anything. But I didn't lose anything either.
This marks the half-way point of my 90 day challenge. I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be. I haven't even lost 10 lbs. In all honesty I'm not trying very hard anymore either. I'm not doing any muscle-building, and I only run for 30 minutes (when I actually DO go). I'm eating better....but not great. Oh well. At least I'm maintaining a somewhat-healthy lifestyle. I guess that's most important. Here's the stats:
Starting weight: 167.2
Week 1: 163.4
Week 2: 161.2
Week 3: 161.2
Week 4: 161.2
Week 5: 159.2
Week 6: 159.2
Week 2 Waist: 35 1/2
Week 3 Waist: 34
Week 4 Waist: 33
Week 5 Waist 32 1/2
Week 6 Waist: 32 1/2
I really need to get it in gear. It's extra hard to get up early when Angie doesn't sleep through the night. As lame as that sounds......this week she hasn't slept through the night once. Oh no I lied. Monday she did. And wouldn't you know? Monday is the one day this week when I went running before work.
Here's to another week!