Today was baby Garrett's blessing day. My parents came with great-grandma Willis, and Parker's parents came with great-grandpa Lyons, along with Jayne and Garrett. We also invited our best friends Travis and Jill with their 3 kids.
Parker gave little G such a beautiful blessing. There's truly something amazing that happens whenever that man is able to use his priesthood power to bless his family. I can't explain it, but it brings out a side of my husband that I don't always get to see, and it's like I fall in love with him all over again every time it happens.
After sacrament meeting we came back to our house and I had a baked potato bar, complete with non-homemade chilli. But to make up for it, Jill brought cornbread made from scratch that was truly a hit, so nobody cared that the chilli was Nalley's and not mine. ;)
After everything settled down this evening, and the kids were put to bed, I sat on the couch and started feeding my little Gher-bear, and I just started to cry. Today is the last day of my maternity leave. My baby is 8 weeks old and that means it's time for me to go back to work. Man it went by fast.
With Caleb, I started school when he was 4 weeks old. Hard right? Yes. But school seemed like such a "righteous" cause you know? It's school. Then Angie came, and I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old. But daddy wasn't working at the time, and she actually was able to stay at home until she was 8 months old. But with Garrett there is no school, and there is no stay-at-home parent. I can't express the guilt that I feel. It hurts so bad. He's so precious and innocent, and he deserves to be cared for by his mother. I knew this day was coming before he was ever born. Before he was even conceived. But it doesn't make it any easier.
I just have to continue to pray and hope that the Lord will bless us with a different situation someday. I worked hard for my education, and I can not ignore my student loans It is what it is. It just sucks. All I've ever wanted was to be a mother, and to care for my children the way that I know I should....which is to be at home with them. I am grateful for the 8 weeks I had to spend every day with him. It was complete bliss.
2 comments:
You flatter me about your cornbread comment. It all tasted yummy to me--I happen to love Nalley Chili. Anyway, what I really wanted to say was Ah man. Eight weeks did go by fast, and that must be really hard to leave your little guy. I just think it is so awesome that if given the choice, you would stay home. A lot of women would not choose that. Maybe you will soon be able to have more than just Friday off. Hang in there! And it really was a beautiful blessing. I know what you mean about when your husband uses the Priesthood (with Travis though, not Parker. Ha!)
Good luck back at work. That is always so hard!! He looks like he is doing great! Looks a lot like his big brother, I think.
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