A Blast from the Past

Last weekend mom and dad came to visit and to hear Elder Nelson. When they came they brought 2 boxes full of my old stuff from High School, that I'd never gotten from their house. Inisde one of those boxes: dun dun dun!!! Yearbooks and journals. Incase you didn't know, I was WAY good at journal writing in High School. I had 16 journals. Each written from cover to cover. Re-reading them has been like reading a thriller! I've been having so much fun. And remembering how people have touched my life. And seeing how some of those people have changed.

I'm trying to take snippets about people that have been particularly touching, and e-mail them. I think it's cool to let other people know how they touched my life as well. Some particular ones, like when my sister and my brother got home from their missions. When Anna started dating Alex, I wrote about him and what I saw in her. And things I'd written about my parents. I just can't believe how those years laid the foundation for who I would become. I was a very faithful youth. And each page is not only written about the goings-on of my life, but the progress of my testimony and faith.

One volume is missing. And it's one of the best ones! I have these journals numbered one through sixteen....and Journal #15 is missing. It spans about four months of my senior year in high school. I hope I find it. I don't even know where to look. I can't even remember what the cover looks like. It kinda makes me sad, since I've enjoyed the journals from my senior year more than any others.

Among one of the people that was in my life was one young man in particular. I never got extremely close to him. I took him to Sadies my senior year. And after graduation he joined the marines and he wrote me a few letters from boot camp. He was never particularly strong. But I always had such high hopes for him. I always thought if he could just get his act together, he could be so strong. And I always told him about that potential I saw in him. He had married his High School girlfriend, and last I'd heard she was pregnant and they were getting divorced. I'd always wondered what happened to him. Yesterday I found him on Facebook. He's gay. My heart sank. Really? THAT'S the direction he decided to go? He's a FATHER for pete's sake! AUGH! I felt sick. This new information totally ruined my day. I felt......so awful for the rest of the day. He'd written me one particular letter from boot camp.....it was 9 pages long. He'd told me how I'd really inspired him to want to be a better person, and hopefully prepare for a mission. How my example had touched his life. Augh. It makes me sick. I'm completely beside myself. Not completely surprised.....he always wanted to be accepted. And kinda.....took the easy way out of some things (I'd thought). And now this. Not surprised.....just SO disapointed.

Among other things, my journals are stuffed with e-mail inserts from friends and crushes. I am amazed at how good I was at always keeping the future in sight. I had my share of crushes in High School. Some quite intense. I never pursued them. I always thought it was stupid to have a boyfriend in High School if you wanted to marry a returned missionary (which of course I did). Why get attached to someone you were gonna have to break up with? It was because of this attitude, I made it all through school without a boyfriend, and without kissing. My first kiss was Parker, who eventually became my husband.

I wrote these journals....mostly for my children. I hope they can learn from the things I learned in my youth. I hope they will enjoy reading them someday.