12. Courage

Day 12: A Blog A Day In May

Well one plus-side to blogging every day: I never forget the date. You would think that after writing it 8 times a day in my patient charts that I'd remember what day it is.....but sometimes I still forget. Well for the month of May, I don't think I've forgotten the date ONCE! Awesome!

If there's one thing I've learned about the business world, it's that you don't move up just from hand-outs. You've gotta realize what you want, and go for it. You can't wait around for someone to notice, "Hey, you're doing a good job....how about some more money?" Nope. It doesn't happen that way. Maybe once in the rare occasion....but for the most part not.

Last month I reached my one year mark at work. I can't even believe I've been in the same office for a year! In some ways I still feel like I just started. As I realized this anniversary, I also thought I might be eligable for a raise. How much of a raise is considered "standard?" I think it's about 5%....but I don't know for sure. I thought about it a lot. I waited for about 2 weeks before I realized it wouldn't be given to me. I WAS told I'd be eligable for a raise after one year....but I should have known that wasn't a promise to get one either. I was gonna have to ask for it.

I spent the next 3 weeks fretting about how I was supposed to bring up such a sensitive topic. After all....the economy sucks. Dr. T's practice is down by.....a lot. Just like all the dental offices. How can I ask for more money when we're making less? Well. It doesn't matter. I still had to ask. I deserve it. Plus I need it. I'm a homeowner now, and a mommy of two instead of one.

For the past 3 days I've been telling myself, "today's the day. I'll ask today." I just couldn't stand it anymore. The stress of bringing this up. I rehearsed what I'd say over and over in my head. Yesterday the timing was perfect. Everyone was gone already. I started shaking. I've gotta do it and just get it off my chest. As I go to approach him.....one of his old friends pulls up to visit. They'll talk forever. I guess I'll try tomorrow.

Today it happened again.....perfect timing. I had to take advantage before I stressed myself up another cold sore. Just say it. The worst he can do is tell you "no". So I cleaned up my room, took out my trash, and then went into his office. I did it. I asked for a raise. I was so nervous. It was so hard to make eye contact. To speak clearly. To make myself sound brave. But I think I did okay.

The results of all that stress? I wasn't promised anything. He agreed I deserved it. But times are tough right now. There are some ducks to get put in a row before anything can go through. Maybe we'll know in a few weeks. He said he'll see what he can do.

EXHALE. It's not my problem anymore. And I don't have to fret about what to say anymore. Cuz I said it. Lets hope it turns out in my favor!